And a Little Red Bag
by Lady Aoi
Summary: Elena accompanies Scarlet on a most unusual shopping trip. Pairings: Scarlet/Elena. Rated for shoujo-ai (duh) and language. UPDATED!!
1. Crap Job

…and a Little Red Bag

A FF7 Fic

By

Lady Aoi

Summary: Elena accompanies Scarlet on a most unusual shopping trip…

Pairing: Scarlet/Elena.

Rating: R for adult humor, shoujo-ai, language (the Turks are involved, after all)

Disclaimer: I don't own Scarlet, Elena, the rest of the Turks, or Heidegger. Square does. I'm just taking them on a weird sort of field trip. Oh. But I really *did* see the little red bag. It was the inspiration for this story.

Lady Aoi's Notes: NO, really. I did see the little red bag. And the story happened nothing like this…

~*~

            "But – but why?!" a wide-eyed Elena Marshall cried. "Why do I have to do it, Reno?!"

            The red-haired Turk shrugged complacently. "Because you're the rookie, 'Lena. That's why."

            "…and because she's the girl." Rude added, reaching out to tease Elena's hair as he passed, wine bottle in hand. 

            "Eeee! Cut it out, Rude! You're such a twit!" Elena's hands flew through her hair, smoothing it back and down into its usual neat bob. "But I don't get it. Why does she need someone to go with her? It's just the mall, for heaven's sake!"

            As Rude yanked the cork out of the bottle with a loud, distinct pop!, Reno shook his head. "Oh, 'Lena, 'Lena, 'Lena," he tsked. "When are you gonna learn to stop asking *why* anyone here does *anything* and just follow orders like a good little girl?"

            Elena sighed. "Sorry. I know. But still… I mean, she needed Tseng to go to that reactor at Gongaga. That's one thing. That's out of the city and it's dangerous out there with all those monsters and things." She shot Rude a dirty look as the laconic Turk nearly choked on his wine. "Shut the hell up, Rude! One of those monsters attacked me last month and where were you and Reno? Half a mile away talking about your crushes like stupid little high school boys. Urgh! I so could've killed you for that!"

            Reno rolled his eyes. "'Lena, let's look at that incident again, okay? A tiny little kimara bug does *not* a monster make. You cast fire3 on it a couplea times and bam. It's all over."

            "Tiny?! Little?! Yeah, easy for you to say, asshole. You 'n' Rude had all the materia on you when the stupid thing attacked me!"

            Reno flushed slightly. "Anyway, to answer yer question, Scarlet's an important chick. Lotsa people know who she is and with all these terrorists roaming around these days –"

            "By 'terrorist' don't you mean six people who were last seen heading for Wutai, Reno? A city that's clear the hell on the OTHER side of the WORLD?!"

            "—And with all these terrorists roaming around these days, lotsa people prob'ly want her dead. So, whenever she or anyone important here goes out –whether they're going to look at a reactor in Gongaga or at a dress in some fancy ass store window, they are followed at all times by a Turk."

            "Humph!" Elena crossed her arms. "I don't see why that qualified Turk can't be you or Rude! I hate shopping!"

            Reno laughed. "Heh. You think we feel any different? And besides, like I said, Scarlet's a chick. And hell if I'm going to stand in the middle of some lingere place while she looks at lacey undies. *I* have a reputation to keep up. Ain't that right, Rude?"

            "….."

            Reno shrugged. "See? Rude agrees with me!"

            "I still don't see why I get all the stupid missions."

            "'Lena, honey, sweety, angel pie," Elena elbowed Reno lightly in the chest as he tried to drape an arm over her shoulder. "Me-owch! That's one helluva right you're packin' these days, you know that?! Anyway, like I was sayin', me, Rude, Tseng… we all got shit jobs as rookies. Just ask Rude. You got shit jobs as a rookie, didn't ya, buddy?"

            "……….and Tseng says Elena talks too much….."

            "See, Rude agrees. He got all the shit jobs when – Hey! Fuck you, you stupid, bald, drunk fuck! I do *not* talk too much!"

            "…….I rest my case." 

            "Hey, fuck you!"

            Elena sighed and plopped down on the lounge's couch. "Sometimes I just… I dunno… I just don't think anyone here takes me too seriously is all. You know?"

            But Reno didn't answer. He was too busy wrestling Rude for his wine. Elena sighed again and stood up. "Well, fine. I guess I'll go report to Scarlet, then, for my 'mission'."

            "Fuck you, Rude! I do *not* talk too much!"

            "………chatterbox….."

            "CHATTERBOX?! SUCK MY COCK, WINGNUT!!"

            Elena shrugged and left the room.


	2. TMI

…and a Little Red Bag

Chapter Two: TMI

A FF7 Fic

By

Lady Aoi

Summary: Elena accompanies Scarlet on a most unusual shopping trip…

Pairing: Scarlet/Elena.

Rating: R for adult humor, shoujo-ai, language (the Turks are involved, after all)

Disclaimer: I don't own Scarlet, Elena, the rest of the Turks, or Heidegger. Square does. I'm just taking them on a weird sort of field trip. Oh. But I really *did* see the little red bag. It was the inspiration for this story.

Lady Aoi's Notes: NO, really. I did see the little red bag. And the story happened nothing like this…

~*~

            "Kyahahahahahahahahaaaa!"

            Elena winced. God, Scarlet had an annoying laugh! You could hear it clear through the door and all the way out into the lounge. The blonde Turk re-crossed her legs and stared up at the clock, as if doing so would somehow get the woman to shut up and move it. Scarlet had been cackling away in her office like that for the last half an hour!  What the hell was she doing?! 

            ~Or more importantly, *who* is she doing?!~

            "Kyahahahahahahahahah! Klaus Heidegger, you stop that this instant!"

            "Gyahahaha! First open that pretty mouth of yours, Scarlet!"

            "Mhh. Alright, but you better not smudge my make up. Mhhhhhhh…"

            "Gyahahhaha! You like that, huh?"

            "Mhhh… so good…"

            Elena winced. Okay, that was about a year's supply worth of TMI right there…

            "So, you're Elena Marshall."

            Elena blinked. "Huh?" Who'd just said that?

            "Over here, sweetie."

            Elena turned towards the source of the noise. Oh. The receptionist.

            "Yep. That's me." She gave the young man a restrained smile that, she hoped, broadcast politeness but an all-consuming need to be left the hell alone. 

            The young man's lively blue eyes danced across her form as he raised his coffee mug to his lips for a quick sip. "Mhh. I've heard so much about you!" he chirped as he replaced the mug on the impeccable desk before him.

            "Oh." Well that was… nice… apparently. Elena smoothed a wrinkle out of her pants, tempted to ask the man just what things he'd heard about her.

            ~Probably that I suck a mean cock for three Gil a head, and office desks really turn me on.~ God, Reno was so gross! One day, Elena vowed, she'd start a nasty rumor about him and Palmer just to get revenge. That would show him!

            "I'm sorry if I'm bothering you. But I've just heard so much about you that I had to know!"

            Elena blinked. Oh, boy. Here came the cock question… "Know what?"

            "I was just wondering if – "at that moment, however, the door to Scarlet's office clicked open. As the young secretary blushed and lowered his eyes back to his work, Elena thanked her lucky stars for the interruption.

            "Gyahahahahahaaaa!"

Even if said interruption came in the form of her loud and rather intimidating boss.

            "General Heidegger, sir!" Elena immediately stood at attention and saluted as Heidegger lumbered into the lounge. 

            "Gyahahahahaha!" Heidegger nearly bellowed in response. Elena had to bite her lower lip to keep from wincing. He was even louder than Scarlet! "At ease, Marshall. You don't gotta pass muster now or anything."

            "Yes, sir," Elena saluted again and relaxed, arms folded neatly behind her back. Heidegger nodded and gave her an approving nod. Elena blushed slightly as she desperately tried not to think of this giant of a man in a compromised or compromising position. Which he probably had been in ten minutes ago. Urgh. Gross! She was not going to go there.

            "Gyahahaha! So, how's life treating you these days, Marshall?" 

            "Pretty good, sir, and –" Elena caught herself. No. You never spoke out of turn to the General. She'd learnt that the hard way two months ago. "—and just… doing good, sir."

            "Gyahahahahaha! Good to hear," Heidegger turned and looked over his shoulder. "Hey, Scarlet! You just going to keep Marshall waiting out here 'til Doomsday?"

            "I'll be right there, Klaus," Scarlet called from somewhere inside her office. "I can't seem to find my earring."

            "Gyahahahahaha! Well, just take the other off and come out, wouldya? I'm sure Marshall doesn't wanna stand around here all day with her finger up her ass, do you Marshall?"

            Elena nearly eeped at Heidegger's last comment. And thankfully, the gasp that did escape her lips was drowned out by a gut-bursting laugh from the office.

            "Kyahahahaha! Oh, really, Klaus, must you be so vulgar?" Scarlet chided as she swayed her way into the lounge. Her ice-blue eyes narrowed slightly in mock indignation as she slid a hand slowly and menacingly onto her hip. "You know I don't approve of that kind of talk."

            Heidegger merely Gyahahahaed in response to Scarlet's rather provocative display. "Sorry, honey. Sometimes I forget myself."

            "You're forgiven." Scarlet's full red lips pulled into a small smile.

            "Gyahaha! Anywhoo, this is Marshall. Elena Marshall. In the flesh." Elena flinched as Heidegger's meaty hand came down to rest firmly on her shoulder. 

            "Indeed," Scarlet's smile widened. "Well, Marshall, Elena Marshall, it's a pleasure to meet you at last. Klaus has told me quite a bit about you."

            "Thank you, ma'am," Really?! He had?! For the second time that day, Elena prayed these things did not involve cocks or the sucking of them.

            "Now, Klaus, if you'll excuse us, Elena and I really must be on our way if we're going to beat the lunch break crowds. And I really do want to pick up that last pair of red Ciello pumps, provided no one else has snatched them up yet… I really should have bought them last week."

            "Gyahahahaha!" It didn't take a rocket scientist to tell that Heidegger was way out of his league as far as any discussion of red Ciello pumps was concerned. "Alrighty then, honey. See you tonight?"

            "Mhh," Scarlet's lips pursed again. "You can count on it, Klaus." And with that, she blew the General a small kiss.

            Heidegger mimed catching it. "Gyahahaha!" he laughed as he pressed his hands over his heart. "You take good care'a Scarlet now, Marshall."

            "Sir, yes sir!" Elena saluted. God, this was really too sick. It was bad enough she had to watch Reno chase after everything in a skirt. Did she have to watch two grown people behave like puppy-love-struck teenagers on top of it?! 

            Scarlet smiled faintly as Heidegger closed the door. "Kyahahaha! Well then, Elena," the blonde Turk turned towards her at the sound of her name. "We'd better get going, hadn't we?" 

            "Yes, ma'am," Elena agreed.

            "Hmm…" Elena blinked as Scarlet's eyes flickered onto her collar. What? What was it? Did she have a stain there or something?! 

            "Elena, may I ask you something?"

            "Yes ma'am."

            "Where do you Turks get your uniforms?"

            Elena blinked. Huh? Out of everything Scarlet could have said that was the last thing she expected to hear! "Ma'am?"

            "Oh, I know Klaus has no idea where anyone buys their clothes, including himself," Scarlet chuckled and waved the General's ignorance away with a slender red-sheathed hand, "But surely you must know."

            Elena had to admit she had no idea.

            Scarlet's lips turned down slightly. "Really? That's rather unfortunate. I had hoped to order a jacket from the same tailor. I really like the cut and the material of yours."

            "Thank you, ma'am."

            "Kyahahaha! Listen to you, how sweet you are! 'Ma'am' this and 'ma'am' that! No, please, Elena. Just call me Scarlet for today, yes? Save the sirs and ma'ams for a more informal situation."

            Was she really hearing this? "Yes, ma—yes, Ms. Scarlet."

            "No," Scarlet corrected as if admonishing a young child. "Just Scarlet, dear."

            "Yes, Scarlet," Elena murmured feeling horribly embarrassed. 

             "Kyahahahahahahaaaa!" Urrgh! That laugh! Elena flinched as Scarlet turned to her secretary. "Michael, cancel my three o'clock with Reeve, would you?"

            Her three o'clock with Reeve?! How many people *was* Scarlet sleeping around with, anyway?!

            "Yes, Scarlet."

            "And take a lunch break today, would you? You're working yourself too hard."

            "Sure thing, ma'am." The receptionist blushed happily as Scarlet leaned over and patted his hand. 

            "Good boy," she murmured. Urrgh! Elena blushed and looked away. You could see the tops of Scarlet's stockings from this angle. And if you just looked a little to your left, you could even see the black band on her underwear too… was she… was Scarlet wearing a g-string….?

            "Elena? Is something the matter?"

            Elena blushed as she snapped out of her daydream. "Uh… no, ma'am. I just…" was staring at your panties. Eeee! "I just thought I saw a Gil on the floor is all."

            "I see. Well, we should go now, Elena. I don't want to miss the one p.m. super sale at Threads!"

            "Of course not Sca—" but the older woman was already on her way out the door. Elena sighed.

            "Isn't she something else?" Michael practically purred.

            Elena's shoulders drooped. She had to agree. Scarlet sure was.


	3. In the Car

…and a Little Red Bag

Chapter Three: In the Car

A Final Fantasy 7 Fan Fiction

By

Lady Aoi

Summary: Elena accompanies Scarlet on a most unusual shopping trip.

Pairing: Elena/Scarlet

Rating: R for adult humor, shoujo-ai, language

Disclaimer: Scarlet, Elena, the Turks and Heidegger all belong to Square Soft. I'm just taking them for an unauthorized test drive.

Lady Aoi's Notes: Thanks to everyone for reading so far! Updates should come a little faster when this semester is ended ;

~*~

You would have expected Scarlet to be a woman of taste and distinction, Elena thought. After all, she went to work in a dinner dress and wore shoes with heels high enough to shatter a normal person's ankles after three or four steps. And even though Elena couldn't see Scarlet's nails at the moment, she suspected they were like the rest of her ensemble; red, sculpted and expensive. Yes, it seemed Scarlet relished the finer things in life.

But if that was the case, then why was Scarlet driving a truck?

Yes, the vehicle was a truck and not, as Elena first thought, an illusion summoned by too much coffee, and a night spent listening to Reno's inebriated singing ("Nine thousand bottles of *hic* saki on the *hich* thingy…Nine thousand… where were we again, Rude?" "…."). Nope. She was indeed staring at an eight-year-old Shinra, Inc. mako powered truck, complete with mud stains, rust and

"Is that a gun rack?"

"Kyahahahaha! You say that as if you've never seen one, Elena!"

Elena turned crimson in a stammering attempt to recover her dignity. "Um… yeah… yeah, sure I've seen them! Haha! It's just…" you should be driving a rich bitch car.

Scarlet smiled. "It's just that I should drive something more gender appropriate?"

Elena's blush darkened. "No! No, I didn't mean that at all!" Hell, Heidegger's a man and he drives a rich bitch car. "I – I just wasn't expecting to see you driving an '04 Behemoth."

"Oh?" Scarlet asked as she unlocked the driver's side door. "And why is that?"

"Well…no reason. I mean, it's an excellent make… best brake system and mako cooling core Shinra Motors ever designed, in fact. A real improvement over the '02 model. But the truck only cost about twelve thousand gil when it first came out and…"

"And you expected a Shinra executive to drive something a little newer, more glamorous?" Scarlet batted her eyelashes with no pretension at innocence.

Busted. "Yeah, but it's still one of the best trucks ever made!" Eeeee… judging by the look on Scarlet's powdered face that was probably the last thing she should have said. Oh well, at least she'd have the honor of dying by being run over by one of the best machines in automobile history. Too bad no one would be around to witness it.

But instead of killing her, Scarlet merely smiled. "Mhh. I see you know your trucks, Elena."

The young Turk blinked. "Huh?" 

"I dare say most people take one look at Beatrice and write her off as a hunk of junk just because she's a bit rusted around the edges and getting on in years." Scarlet lovingly ran her gloved hand over the truck's side mirror and sighed sadly. "Aren't we all, though?" For a moment, she appeared to be lost in thought, a frown creasing her delicate lips and furrowing her high forehead.

"Scarlet?" Elena asked, taking a concerned step forward. Scarlet merely stared at the truck, as if she and her bodyguard suddenly inhabited two very different worlds. "Scarlet?"

"Hm? Oh! I was just thinking…even your esteemed leader – who has about twelve years on you, I might add – hasn't a clue about automobiles. Is it a hobby of yours?"

"Not really. I mean, I love autos but… it's not really a hobby. See, when I was a kid, I had a job in a junk shop…so I had to know a ton about all sorts of cars and trucks…especially the older makes. Because…well, people in the slums can't really afford the newer ones, you know? So they'd just bring their auto in, you'd repair it as best you could, and they'd drive it around 'til something else went. So you had to be good at what you did, so people wouldn't have to bring it back in again before… well, before it was time."

"And were you? Good at what you did?"

"Well, I don't really know," Elena said, looking at the ground. "But no one ever really complained…we did pretty good business, too. Considering all the other junk shops around Wall Market, I mean. Wait a second. Did you say Tseng didn't know about your truck?"

Scarlet cackled. "Oh, please! He can't even drive a stick!"

"He can't?"

"Kyahaahahahah! He almost ripped the clutch out last night! He didn't seem very happy about being scolded, either. Just between us, Elena? That man has no sense of humor…and no stamina either, if you know what I mean." And she winked.

Elena felt her heart race. Oh god…she hadn't…had she? Scarlet and Tseng…Tseng…it was enough to bring tears to her eyes. 

_No_, Elena told herself. _I'm a Turk, and I'm on a mission now. And no matter what, no matter what happened between Scarlet and Tseng last night, I will not open the hood, slam it down over Scarlet's neck, and ram her limp body against the wall for the next half hour! I am a Turk, and I must be professional at all times….even if she is a heartless, g-string wearing slut who's probably playing him like an accordion. No! I won't think about that because_

"That's the will and spirit of the Turks!"

"Kyahaha! It's good to see you take your job so seriously!"

Elena blushed and popped back into reality. "Oh…yeah, I guess so, huh? Ha ha!" Oh god, someone just shoot me now. This is worse than all those cock-sucking rumors.

"And speaking of taking things seriously it isn't true, is it? What Heidegger read on the men's room wall this morning?"

Elena's mouth flew open. Despite her attempts to the contrary, it remained unable to form a coherent word for the next three and a half minutes. It was impossible for it to do so, after all, with its owner's mind steadily plotting the murder of two irritating little boy Turks who were probably writing more of the same shit in more men's rooms while yucking it up. Ugh! Men! 

"No, I didn't think so," Scarlet soothed. "But I wanted you to know because I don't much care for rumors, especially the ones started as vicious practical jokes. And if you know who the culprit…or _culprits_ are, I'd be happy to inform the general so he can punish them accordingly.

While Elena nonetheless relished the thought of Reno getting his just deserts, she could not laugh at the thought of Heidegger beating Reno – or anyone – black and blue. So she merely shrugged and shook her head. "Nope, no idea who could have started that story, Scarlet." You so owe me for this, Reno…

"Hmmm. That's a shame, because Heidegger and I would certainly love to know." Scarlet again looked at her vehicle fondly before turning back to Elena. "But I would, nevertheless, like to do my part in making up for these devastating rumors…with that in mind, would you like to drive her? My truck?"

"Drive her?"  Scarlet nodded patiently. "Eeee….I'd love to, and that's really sweet of you, but…"

"But?"

"Well, what if someone…I'm not saying they will or anything, but with all these terrorists around today…"

"Kyahaha! You wouldn't mean those six people last seen headed for Wutai, would you? Because if you did, I hardly think they'll be a problem. And in the unlikely event that someone from AVALANCHE decides to attack us on the way to the Midgar Mall, well..." Scarlet slid her dress away from her thigh. "I think they'll be in for a very nasty surprise. Wouldn't you agree."

"Guh." Elena choked. She found it hard to do anything else but choke, either, as she was now staring at Scarlet's bare thigh.

"What do you think of it?"

Scarlet's thigh was firm, pale and so very smooth. And if you looked hard enough, you could see that she had a little mole peeking right above the top of her black stocking. How high did that panty girdle stretch, anyway? Elena wondered as she flicked her eyes upwards. "Huh?" she asked, wondering what Scarlet had just said.

"Kyahaha! My mako gun, you silly girl!" Scarlet removed the tiny weapon from the holster around her thigh and handed it to Elena. "Small enough to fit in your pocket, strong enough to penetrate three inches of solid steel. Heidegger really should talk to me about giving one to all of you Turks."

"Oh," Elena giggled nervously as she handed the gun back. "Ha ha! Right! The gun! It's great! Really! Yeah!"

"Elena, may I say something?"

"Shoot," Elena made the thumb and pointer finger of each hand into a gun, pointed them at Scarlet and giggled nervously. 

"Heidegger said you were anxious to please, but I had no idea. You're a very tense young woman, aren't you?"

How could she argue with that? "Yeah, I guess so," Elena said miserably. "…Sorry."

"Kyahaha! See, that's exactly what I mean! Really, Elena. There's nothing to apologize for! Especially when your shoulders are practically hunched all the way up to your ears!" 

"They are?" The Turk self-consciously lowered her shoulders.

"Yes. It's very sad. We'll have to stop by the spa on our way back so you can have a nice relaxing massage." Scarlet replaced the gun in its holster and covered it with her dress. "Now that you know I'm a grown woman who can very well take care of herself, would you like to drive me to the mall?"

Elena had been a Turk for over four months now. And if she knew one rule, she knew this: when an executive offers, take it. Next time they might shoot you. "Yeah, I'd really like that," she grinned. "Thanks."

"Please, don't mention it," Scarlet said as she climbed into the passenger seat. "Sometimes I get so very tired of driving myself everywhere. And besides. Who would say no to a pretty chauffer?"

Pretty? Had Scarlet just called her pretty? "Guh."

"Exactly," Scarlet softly patted the seat with a red-gloved hand. "All aboard?"

"All aboard," Elena agreed as she swung into the driver's seat and closed the door behind her. She turned the key and revved the engine as she reached back for the clutch. "Where should I take you first, Scarlet?"

"Threads. Yes, Threads, I think. My goodness! It's almost one o'clock! If we don't leave now we'll miss the sale!"

"Don't worry," Elena said as they pulled out of the driveway. "I know a shortcut."

"Shortcut?" Scarlet asked curiously. "What shortcut would that be?"

"Well…um…one that requires a seatbelt, first of all."

A slow grin spread across Scarlet's face. "Elena," she chuckled as she strapped herself in. "I do believe I like your style." And she began to cackle loudly as Elena gunned the motor and sped for the freeway.


End file.
